I CAN FLY!

;)

trippin' oh stumblin' flippin' fumblin'

this is not really an update,
its just what you call a bad date.
oh! no more about just being late,
its like they've found a new 'mandate'.

i don't see how i belong,
in the place where i've been long.
feels like i should walk along,
to a place that sings my song.

i don't norm'ly write like this,
cause i felt the point was missed.
why do people judge like this,
can't they all just give me peace?

vested int'rest, vested int'rest,
resounding in my mind at rest.
how and when this endless protest,
would ever not be brought to test?

so with a heavy non-the-less,
i rest my case with forgiveness;
and trade my rights for godliness,
lest i would showcase Christless-ness.

lest i increase and He decrease,
and lest He strikes and i decease. (LOL!)
oh! God of peace, my striving cease!
thank You for putting me at ease!


p/s:
what use on earth with hair to hold,
when death returns a pile of mould.
with lengthy, shining locks of gold,
let MY new trend in heav'n unfold!

rhythm of Your grace

hi. its been a loooong time. i know this blog is really deprived of my attention, but i just can't find the time to update. or even if i did, there's nothing substantial to update about. events, random statements are all dominated by facebook d. and at the end of the say there is really nothing much to squeeze out here.

having said that. i'll just update for updating sake.

no doubt alot of stuff happened from the last update till now. like how i went through the hellish examination of a month called june. enjoyed productive holidays in the 1st half of july. and the increasingly crazy uni workload of august. yay! =D

hurm. this semester, i have a secret. that is, i am superman. oops no more secret d. well, i feel like i've over-committed myself to so many things. and in that sense, i can't help but think that i'm immature because of that. eventhough i made a decision to prioritize everything, which is by far so far so good. but still, there's this feeling of inevitably crashing out and screwing up and thus proving my over-commitment to be an immature bravado =/

just the other day i was writing down my various duties in church, CF, and other 'social commitments'. and the list was =O lol. if you're my fren and you're reading this, it would be really nice to pray for me =P cause i feel like i really need it lorh. but then again, i'm not saying that i'm purely running on the fuel of the prayers of others lah. that would make me a breainless free-loader.

i'm tired of surviving the semesters. i wanna conquer them instead! and emerge from it stronger in many areas =D insya-allah!

anyways. the 40 days of fasting has begun =O and i still dunno what to fast. i can't fast on food because my meal times are already so irregular. i can't fast on computer games because i don't play that often. and i dun watch much tv. comes online every now and then. facebook every now and then. they say it must hurt to count, and i can't find anything that'll hurt! (oops. invited trouble d) so yeah. fast wattttt???

aiyoh. lazy d. and hungry. and sleepy.


p/s : i always blog in the 'edit html' mode wan. naiser.

pp/s : i need to stop saying stupid things. to you. especially =/

this is an emergency!

"may we see this generation and its state of desperation for Your glory!"

p/s: i want to do more, but i know too little to do more =(

The most beautiful truth ever existed

is that truth was never made up, but something absolute. something that existed before everything else existed.

and really, only Truth can make things come into existence.

And when we realize what Truth says we are, then we ARE. And isn't that the beauty of it?

I really find it so.

As i begin to comprehend the truism that goes like ''people who don't accept you as who you really are, are not your true friends in the first place.''

Being human and all, i find it hard to be vulnerable because i'm afraid to see the circle of friends diminish. But i guess this truism filters the people whom you can count on in your entire lifetime from people whom you thought you could also count on.

I thank Truth for saying i'm worth getting rejected for. worth getting a bad reputation for. worth dying for.

Looking at myself, it doesn't make sense. No one would do such a thing for me. But the truth is there was. And i know this is so often repeated, but i guess i've never found this truth truer than before.

truth is, truth is my only true friend. because at the end of the day, if ever my circle of friends becomes a round dot. I still have enough friend to keep me going. yes its as singular as much as it makes sense.

Just thought i'd pen my thoughts down.





p/s: i also want to thank God for this friend who willingly followed me (by foot!) to check out some routes in the wee hours. It meant so much to me because honestly, i didn't expect that from him or anyone else for that matter.

we'll dance around it all night.

shucks. i missed the april update. maintaining this blog is hard =/ but nevertheless, i can see the days ahead where i'll blog more often. i know it will come. i just know it.

anyways. tmr, or rather in umm.. 4 hours time, i'll be running 5km =D yes RunNat is back this year. so yes, here i am, exhausted yet excited, sleepy yet energized. just waiting for it to come. i guess its no unfamiliar fact that time flies, its as though just yesterday team -.- had their 1st ever training. and now, we're finally gonna run! no more boring red tracks and seeing man-in-tights! but real roads =D

having said that, i still wonder whether praying in such a way really works. But i guess that its more of the message we runners sent out to the world (and our hearts to God) when we do run and pray. And my guess (again) is that He no doubt will find anything sincere a delight =D

Okayy. here's what i really want to say to team -.- (i can't put a punctuation mark after that emoticon or it'll look like -.-.). LOL. anyways, i just want to say that i'm really really REALLY proud of you guy and girls! and for the amount of effort and volume of sweat you all put in for this run! =P although we fluctuate in our stamina at different times, i'm just glad that in small ways i can see yall improving =) and i really admire the endurance yall exhibit, it actually inspires me in ways you all don't know. so yeah, thank you for making the training a success, and more importantly, for your companionship in this run. i treasure every second of it.

*sentimental mode off* so yes. back to normal boring updates about myself. *narcissitic mode on* I am in my final assignment phase now, and i cannot tell whether its a good or bad thing. yet. and umm.. my first paper is on a SATURDAY. but whats better is this: i thought i could play some futsal in the morning before having myself tortured psychologically by my first paper (which happens to be psyschology). BUT MONASH HAS TO FIX THE EXAM AT THE EXACT SAME TIME WITH FUTSAL!!! yes yes its 8.30 - 10.30, not much choice eh?

so yes. other than a psycho psycho paper at a psycho day and psycho time, i've ELEVEN days of 'study break' before my next paper. true story.

gahh. anyways, amidst the exams and assignment ramblings, i want to *sentimental mode on* THANK GOD for great things that happened this semester! i shall name a few that is on my mind. for MCF! yes, i find it such a blessing to meet new people! also, being a part of MCF really makes me happy =) thank God also for new friendships made/bettered/restored too! =) you can tell i'm really happy by the amount of smilies i use =) =) =) =)

heh. smt random here. as a student (that drives) hor, it came to my attention that driving to Monash from Bkt Rimau and back actually eats ALOT of petrol =( sigh now i'm contemplating whether to shift to the hostel when its completed. and also now i'm beginning to appreciate people who pay for my petrol so so so SOOOO much. seriously! buy petrol for me for christmas kay?

okayz. i shallz endz nowz. i need at least an hourz of sleepz to keep me from faintingz and killing other peoplez later in the eveningz. nitez.



p/s: peel fresh orange NEVER fails to make my day ;)

i'd just die like that

I don't know what this day will bring

Will it be disappointing, filled with longed for things?

I don't know what tomorrow holds

Still I know I can trust Your faithfulness

I don't know if these clouds mean rain

If they do, will they pour down blessing or pain?

I don't know what the future holds

Still I know I can trust Your faithfulness

Certain as the rivers reach the sea

Certain as the sunrise in the east

I can rest in your faithfulness

Surer than a mother's tender love

Surer than the stars still shine above

I can rest in your faithfulness

I don't know how or when I'll die

Will it be a thief, or will I have a chance to say goodbye?

No, I don't know how much time is left

But in the end, I will know your faithfulness

When darkness overwhelms my soul

When thoughts and storms of doubt

Still I trust You are always faithful, always faithful

i think i've come to the point where i'm really tired of fighting. tired using the strength of mine that could never win in the first place. tired of living the endless struggle between who i am now and who He wants me to be. tired of trying. tired of pushing.

today, i hang my gloves up.

in the end it all boils down to how big a piece of trust we're willing to let go, to grow vulnerable, to show weakness, to say 'i cannot do it alone', to allow myself to be broken. and God knows how much i hate doing just this.

but today, i hang up my gloves.

and today, i want to be able to sing this song without lying. God please help me.

p/s: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rP562si-d1Q

oh time don't stop just yet, cuz i'm not ready for now.

and for the sake of having february on my archive..


in the month of february, i discovered that:

love, is not loving yourself, so that you can love the other person.

'what a stupid thought' i thought at first. but it was just then i realized that this quality was personified in Christ as he hung in my place.

not stupid anymore.

anyways, the end of february marks an end to my long 'summer' hols, not like spring is coming anyway, cuz its summer everyday in msia. anyweis, just as how i can't wait to start monash-ing again, i secretly want hols to be longer also lol. so thats why i'm taking psycho this sem to evaluate my mental condition.

also, the month of feb has been hmm.. more $$ful than usual i guess, which is a good thing. urmm.. other than that. nothing else seems much happening in my life for now =( apart from the fact that my hair is now gold =D yellow/blonde/whatever you wanna call it. okay so what made me do it? well. i just wanted to be another source of warmth for the people around me, second from the sun.

lalala and then here comes march! i'm dunno what is posting me here.. as i mentioned, its just so that i have a february post lol.

bye. until i feel like blogging properly, i'm sustaining it like that. yaaaay.


p/s: i just don't understand girls their way of choosing handbags. and prolly never will.

i'm a little lamb who's lost in the woods

its been really long. blogging is starting to be not my kinda thing. i feel weird blogging now. its like unlatching the door to welcome (not to mention announce the vulnerability of the fort i call 'my life') wrong impressions, stalkers, misunderstandings and what not.

so yeah. i'm against stuff like that bcuz i hate being vulnerable. oh oops. anyways, i dunno what to update my blog with larh.

and umm. i feel like stamping this as an entry d. gahh. okay january. nothing much happening for me. except that i'm working in caremart. for the whole month. pls have lunch with me. or i'll get lonely and talk to skittles wan.

mm so yeah. yay january. oh and someone is gonna turn 21 (i almost type 26 choy!) this coming jan 26! i wonder who =0 but anyways. maybe this is gonna be abit of a turn down, but i don't want to celebrate my 21st birthday on the 26th. (i dunwanna sound so perasan) but, as much as i would love YOU GUYS to celebrate with me, i'm just not free on jan 26th lah. the whole day. and night. but YOU GUYS can always do it another day. before/after/whatever.

january's gonna be where my room looks more people friendly too. as of now, ONLY mua can enter it. no one else . obviously for their safety, and for a good impression's sake. but more emphasis on the former ;) sigh its gonna take forever cleaning. but i must have it done =/ must! God help me. nat also xD

i used to have this thought where upon turning 21, one would already have a gf by his side to celebrate with, one would already have his whole life sorted out nicely like cards all laid out neatly infront of him, and one would have his room clean and neat one would be i dunno.. more MANLY looking already? all of which i obviously don't have. oh well. its a 'used to be' thought anyway.

i'm happy just the way God wants me to be happy about it (its all part of His plan yo). so yeah.. but now i have this new feeling (being 20 and all.. ), i've this urge to find a mate -.- yes. i dunno why, but its there. and suddenly i have a newfound respect for those who are 20 OVER, going strong and still w/o mates =P i resTECPA you all. seriously. maybe i'll follow you guys' example. omgosh what am i saying. CHOY! heh. urges. and what they can destroy.

but yeah. i guess feelings/emotions/urges do not dictate intelligence. (lol i sound so smart wannabe) so its the wait race i'm gonna be running in again this year. until smt h.. sigh. urges.

anyways. i wont be turning 21 alone this year. you see, that is t3h problem. bcuz i dunno what to buy 21 year olds for their bday present without blowing my wallet out of shape. (i realized i only think abt this when i'm 21. or near there.) i ppl exTECPA =P expensive more ada classy punya gift for their 21st. i think. and then they go saying you only turn 21 once marh, expensive abit wun die wan marh. well don't you turn 22 once also? bodoh. but i is different (self praise here, dun spoil my moment), i'll take what you give me with open hearts and hand. lol. unless you give me smt that looks like faeces, i'll see to it that you won't have it on your smile when you leave. =)

i'm really an angel wan.. =) only when no one is looking.

so yeah. posts for january done. november and december is just these lah: fun.work.camp.3NATsinoneday!masquearade.dinners.happyxmas.ncgg.facebook.dota.salary.didisayfun?

and summary for 09, i still have the 2 teeth i loss to celebrate new year with me. eventho they're far apart from my gums, i'll always heart them. 09 was fun lah. cuz i find fun in everything wan. wee..

there you go. and suddenly i feel too old to learn music already. boo you, earth! for making me age.. anywayz. many happy returns, year 2010. =) *toasts to whoever*





p/s : i'm starting to like you already!

i love sleeping.

so it has been awhile.

1
and its 12 october today. week 12 for monash =) which is good. and not so good. good because it is heading to an eternity long of holidays (3 months plus, i think). and not so good because exams are prowling around the corner. but hey, i'm not complaining =)

2
went over to meng yoe's new home today. It was.. nice lah. i'm picking the words carefully so that i don't ban myself from entering his house again. Other than the make-do waste paper basket as a hanging lamp-shade, everything was normal lah. He tried to impress us with his new tablecloth, but we dropped food on it -.- accidentally, of course ;)

3
heh. i'm getting very lazy to update nowadays. don't know why, but i suspect its age related (getting old T.T). and talking agout age, i think 09 is passing me by faster come the 3rd quarter of the year. September went by silently, and now its close to mid october already.

4
Sometimes this rate of 'time passing by' makes me think about the future. or rather, my future. not really about what am i going to do and all that kinda stuff, but rather what kind of person i will become. Life has always been carefree for me. But i guess, carefree is inversely proportional to age. Still it doesn't mean i'm not completely carefree now, i think i will always remain that way, just that less of it lah. but for now, i think i'm still mostly carefree lah. that is why i find fun in almost everything. How was exams? fun. How was EE? fun. How was this and that? FUN! and i think that because of what i'm made of, i'm generally a happy, optimistic person.

5
anyways, i think i've found THE lifelong hymn for myself. its the kind of song you usually hear at funerals. go guess what it is lah. clue : Irish.



=)

Grace is gone

was watching this over breakfast at medan abt 2 days ago. didn't know the title, but found out later on lah. didn't get to watch the whole thing, but i can tell its a good movie.

one part of the film made me realize something: that after people leave, the one thing that their loved ones would miss the most is hearing their voice.

there was this part where the father didn't know what to do with his two girls, and so he calls home while on a roadtrip. Obviously no one was at home, so the answering machine told him to leave a message. But, that automated voice that greeted him was that of his late wife. and he went like "i just called because i missed hearing your voice.."

gosh. i get emo when things that i really care about gets taken away. and i think i would be one who'll prolly lose the will to live if my partner ever leaves before me. or that man who cried like a baby at his wife's funeral. but yeah, i'll just leave thoughts as they are lah.

anyway, on a not so morbid note, its like the season of departures now. not that i'm emo about it, but rather i just realize the loss now. people that you got so used to seeing and hanging out together, are now a thousands of miles away. man, they are so irreplaceable!? despite the many friends you have around you, its just different without them. i guess thats why all my friends are such a huge part of me. =/ yes, i do feel the tug when you guys leave left.

but yeah, facebook makes life better. and that song 'never alone' too.

always late?

i have issues with punctuality. and i need help. so far, this ad has been instrumental in suggesting help. enjoy:

i loved the third one lah xD cracks me up everytime i watch it. oh and the 2nd part of the video's about something else d (the one abt toilet paper).

had japanese buffet today. awesome stuff! think ly might blog abt it. go see her blog =P

Life in Uni : Tonight's Gonna be a Good, Good Night~

tonight, officially at 10.00p.m., i ryan teoh, hereby declare the "THURSDAY NIGHT SPECIAL!" ON!!

featuring cool activities like:

reading EVERYTHING (till you drop) about marine life and how heavy metal affects them! ahh. HEAVENLY! just like the picture!

no not this kinda heavy metal..
..but metals like MERCURY! CADMIUM! ARSENIC! and all those LOVABLE! metalloids you can find in a WHAT??

PERIODIC TABLE!! andandandand if that doesn't make you feel hyper enoughh! ARGHH!

you can go read up ALL the cool E-JOURNALS (echoes)!!

and after you're done deciphering and reading those HOT STUFFS, you can begin..

EXACTLY!! and if you can't reach ONETHOUSANDTHREEHUNDRED words which i highly doubt, you can repeat the

READING!! ARGH! and then you,

READ AGAIN!! until you

NOOOO!! you can't COMMIT SUCH A SIN (echoes)!!

especially not on "THURSDAY NIGHT SPECIAL!!" so reCHARGE your energy with

no, coffees are for AMATEURSS.. what!? A-M-A-T-E-U-R-S! but reCHARGE yourself with

YESS!! mmmmm..

ARGH! handsome xD

in a seperate case (and more sober tone):

i promise myself NEVER to have anymore last minute "THURSDAY NIGHT SPECIAL!!" because she will call me mad after she reads this and i'll freaking diee the following die. <----omg. see? i can't spel day correctly o.0 and i promise myself to read up for crazy assignments like this, and not leave it for a stressed filled frenzy hellofatime doing it the day before submission. NEVER. DO. IT. AGAIN. unless of course, Monash forces me to do so (which they don't because they care for you wan) HAH! depending on how much you pay i guess.

and you must be thinking where or how did i get the books from. got it from Monash's Library. picture this. guy walks in empty handed. walks out with FIVE freaking HEAVY books. NERD GILER SIAL. bleh.

so why waste time to blog? jee i dunno. because i just wanted to destress before going clubbing with my assignments (all night longg). =D

Gawwsh =/ i promise not to repeat this anymore. suffering. tiring. and i need and want my sleeeep. =( sigh. time to get started.

p/s: i've gotta feeling (woohoooo!) that tonight's gonna be a good night!! ohh goodnight lah.

pp/s : drew if you're reading this. apply powerthirst enthusiasm to it. =D

whats not to love about you?

today God tested my ice-cream hypothesis. its not that i had a really bad day or any of that sort, its just that i'm having a sick day.

sick meaning i have sore throat (and stuff that makes me think i've aH1N1). so yeahh, maybe its a bad day lah, but the point is.. even if it is a bad day, i can't have ice-cream cuz it'll make my day sicker. so woohoo God, point taken.

i noticed today (saturday) was quite unusual for me. because i never had a free-er saturday than today. reason being i am sick lah. and because of that, i had to miss alot of things.

morning
missed morning prayer
miss football

afternoon
thankfully i made it alive to 365 and worship practice earlier.

evening + night
missed andrew's farewell
missed going to free tenji's japanese buffet (cousin's farewell)
missed avinesh's farewell


sigh. being sick isn't cool sometimes. altho now i've acquired a temporary sexy voice, i still would give that back for japanese food T.T and yeah, to those ppl whose farewell i missed, i'm really sorry for not being able to make it! =(

and so i'm here blogging when yall are having a great time! sad child.. and yeah. thats my saturday so far. i shall go for dinner now alone and wallow in self pity and die. lol.

well despite all this, altho my day might be sickly, i still think i had an awesome day! and the only reason for it is because..

..'this is the day that the Lord has made, we (i) WILL rejoice and be glad in it.'

-Psalms 118:24

p/s : its more effective than my ice-cream theory.

the 12 tribes

ignore the title of the youtube video. it has nothing to do with its content.

was just looking up david pawson in google, and found this video. yes the title made me curious, and so i watched it. turns out to be nothing as what the title suggested. give it a good listen! really really good stuff.



he talks like a physicist! i really thought he was one.good stuff right? check out 3:23 for the anisotropic jewels. i'm sorry if the science part is a blur, he's just trying to say that in pure light condition, only the 12 jewels becomes extra colourful! whereas the others like diamonds and all don't. =)


Revelations 21 : 19-20
And the foundations of the wall of the city were adorned with all kinds of precious stones: the first foundation was jasper, the second sapphire, the third chalcedony, the fourth emerald, the fifth sardonyx, the sixth sardius, the seventh chrysolite, the eighth beryl, the ninth topaz, the tenth chrysoprase, the eleventh jacinth, and the twelfth amethyst.


so i guess thats where the name jacintha comes from.

anyways, i just can't imagine anyone writing off what he just said as coincidence. isn't it too much for one?

what is your one thing.

recently i've been struggling to keep my head afloat amidst the waves of life. and i think i've been thinking and focusing on everything that i shouldn't. i feel as though i'm being chained to negativity, because i can only go so far with that limited optimism. but yeah, life goes on for me.


happened to read 'the freedom in Christ' today. and i guess in a way, its a reminder of what i'm (we're) called to do anyway:

People are unreasonable, illogical and self-centred.
Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness makes you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest people with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest people with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.

People favour underdogs but follow only top dogs.
Fight for the underdogs anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.

People really need help, but may attack you if you help them.
Help people anyway.

Give the world the best you've got and you'll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you've got anyway.


anyways, here's something i picked up from pastor HS. whenever i'm faced with a day where everything just has to go wrong (in other words a bad day), i will go out and buy myself ice-cream. yes, ice-cream makes me happy, and it will serve as a reminder for me that still there is (at least) one good thing in every bad day; and of course that God is good!

so right now, i'm extending an invitation to anybody or everybody that feels bit down lately, to join me for ice-cream session this coming 30th July at Baskin Robbins or wherever lah. i can provide transport as i'm classless on thursdays. and even if no one wants to go, i would still go and treat my self alone. =)


on a side note,
last weekend was kind of.. intriguing. a question was raised "what is your one thing in life, that God has called you to do?"

i would really like to know.

john 16:33

Your mercy found me,
Upon the broken road,
And lifted me beyond my failing,
Into Your glory,
My sin and shame dissolved,
And now forever Yours I'll stand.

In love never to end,
To call You more than Lord,
Glorious friend.

So I throw my life upon all that You are,
Cause I know You gave it all for me,
And when all else fades,
My soul will dance, with You,
Where the love lasts forever.

And forever I will sing,
Lord forever I will sing,
Of how You gave Your life away,
Just to save me, Lord You saved me.

With You, where the love lasts forever.



"These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world."

he'd do anything to see you smile

Unforgettable, that's what you are
Unforgettable though near or far
Like a song of love that clings to me
How the thought of you does things to me
Never before has someone been more

Unforgettable in every way
And forever more, that's how you'll stay
That's why, darling, it's incredible
That someone so unforgettable
Thinks that I am unforgettable too


this song never fails to make a bad day, better. =)

hope

You crown the year with Your goodness,
and Your paths drip with abundance.



life/the world disappoints; but the Word reappoints.

number 44

God only can help us as much as we allow Him to...